Act Two

 

 

(Two hours later. The room is the same, only the amount of characters is different. Savannah and Pin have left to try and track Cat. Roan, Maria and Nina have stayed behind.)

NINA: Y’know what we ought to start? One of those things where you get a real stash, like a case of the best cognac in the world or something and then make a pact—

ROAN: A tontine. That’s what they’re called.

NINA: Yeah, where the last living one of us gets it all.

MARIA: That’s not exactly a pleasant thought right now, Nina.

NINA: Oh, come on. Cat knows how to take care of herself. She’ll be back in no time. She obviously knew where she was going…she just didn’t want to worry us.

MARIA: That’s why she hasn’t given any word at all since she left.

NINA: Savannah and Pin will find her. They’ll be back any minute now with our host in tow. Mark my words.

ROAN: This is really odd. Where do you think she went?

MARIA: Well, I think if she isn’t back in 15 minutes we should call the police.

NINA: Give her thirty. She’ll come back.

(Yes, finally, this is Maria. Same ballpark age as Nina and Pin, but her childhood lingers.)

(A knock at the door)

NINA: Who locked the door? (On the way to open it)

MARIA: I did.

(Savannah and Pin enter, exhausted)

SAVANNAH: We’ve scoured this whole area, ten miles in every direction. She is nowhere to be seen.

PIN: You wouldn’t believe how much easier it is to pick out people in the snow. The visibility is incredible…had we seen anyone it probably would have been incredible that is.

MARIA: Let’s call the police.

PIN: You don’t have to. The entire department, or at least five of their cars are all over on 14th trying to get a semi out of a ditch.

MARIA: Well, what are we going to do?

NINA: There isn’t much we CAN do, Maria.

ROAN: It’s been almost two hours now.

(Silence. The front door suddenly opens. CAT stands there, dazed. Her weakness has petrified.)

SAVANNAH: CAT!

(Savannah hurries over to Cat, with the others right behind)

CAT: (to Savannah, almost inaudible) …hold me?

(Savannah envelopes her)

NINA: Cat, where have you been?

CAT: (softly, to Savannah) …hold me…

SAVANNAH: …It’s okay, s okay, s okay…

(four beats)

CAT: It wasn’t Maria who called.

MARIA: We know, Cat. Hi.

(Cat looks up to see Maria for the first time)

CAT: Hi, Maria. I missed you.

MARIA: I missed you, too, Cat.

CAT: He said he needed to see me. He said we had to talk.

ROAN: Who did, Cat?

PIN: Where did you go?

CAT: He said he needed to see me. To see me.

PIN: Where did you go, Cat?

CAT: How long ago did he call?

ROAN: Two hours ago, Cat. That’s how long you’ve been gone.

SAVANNAH: (softly) What happened, Cat?

CAT: He moved. He’s living in my old house. Upstairs.

NINA: Who Cat?

CAT: …Mike.

ROAN: Mike? Mike called you? Have you been with him all the time?

CAT: He called and said he needed to talk. We needed to talk. He said he needed to see me. Me. He was down at the Whistle Stop. He told me to meet him there.

PIN: What happened, Cat? What did he do?

(Four beats, maybe six)

CAT: There were only five people in there…Five or ten. He must have heard me coming…He was sitting in a corner…teetering in his chair…with his head down and his hands in his pockets…like he was….

NINA: …like he was…

CAT: He was…masturbating.

NINA: Over in the corner?

CAT: Yeah.

PIN: In front of everyone?

CAT: Well, yeah…but I was the only one who saw, I think. I was the only one who was watching.

MARIA: Did he see you?

CAT: …Not at first. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted to one side. Then suddenly they were open and looking right at me…not at me, but, through me…in me. All of a sudden I knew I had to run, but his eyes kept me frozen there…just long enough for them to burn my skin. They reminded me of Richard’s eyes from 6th grade and Tom’s eyes from sophomore year in high school…But I didn’t turn away. I didn’t think he could see me watching. I watched him the same way he was watching me. The same pain, the same hatred on my face as I saw on his. I finally did turn my face away, just as he got up and started to come over to me. I stepped back and across, over to the stairway, and went down, and his eyes were just gnawing on me and I started to run. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, all I could see was open space…everything was just there. But there was a door that led to more stairs that went down to a supply room, and that was it. His shadow was already on mine, and I ran over to the far wall and pushed myself as close up against it as I could. He closed the door and sighed and asked what I was looking at. I turned around and all there was, was this one bare lightbulb and it made his shadow enormous. And his face, his eyes just left me blank. I could see the hate in his eyes, and the fear it surrounded and I…wanted to help him. I held up my arm and he grabbed it and just held it there until I held up the other one, and he pinned me to the wall. He kept shouting "what were you looking at? what were you looking at?" and all I tried to do was drain all that hate and fear out of his face. He pressed me tighter against the wall and bit my tongue right at the tip. He grabbed my butt and pulled me into him and ripped open my jeans…and just stopped and stared at me. He said it again. "What are you staring at?" Finally I just looked back and forth at both of his eyes and said, "Do you really think this is going to help?" He didn’t say anything, he just pulled down my pants and then pulled down his. And I just looked at him and said, "okay, if you think this is going to help, buster" And he started, and he kind of gently closed his eyes. And I said, "oh, no you don’t buddy; you’re going to watch. If you’re going to do this, then you’re going to watch my eyes."

NINA: …Jesus…

CAT: When he finished he said, "We still got some more talking to do," so we left and walked over to my place (his place; still looks like my place) The house was dark and everyone was gone, and he led me up to his room. The top one on the left. He grabbed two beers and sat down and looked out the window and tried mumbling something about some old girlfriend he had a long time ago. He wouldn’t look at me. Never once made eye contact, and just talked to himself the whole time. He’d look over every so often when he was out of breath, to make sure I was still there. Then he went and sat on the bed and gave me one of those come hither looks.

NINA: Jesus, I don’t believe this. Why didn’t you do anything, Cat? Why didn’t you just kick him in the crotch and run?

CAT: He started talking about how he’s changing, he’s always changing and he just sees me fading away because I’m not changing. He talks to me like we’ve never met, but he says things he never tells anybody.

SAVANNAH: Like what, Cat?

CAT: I ruined his life.

PIN: Oh, Cat, of course you didn’t.

CAT: He’s the one changing and I’m ruining his life.

NINA: More like he’s the one who refuses to change and that’s how he’s ruining his own life.

CAT: But he needs me right now.

ROAN: He needs himself, Cat. He just needs to put you in the mirror.

CAT: But there are things I can give him that he can’t get from himself.

NINA: He’s a man, Cat.

CAT: I don’t mean that. It’s more than that; there’s something else he needs.

PIN: Just like all men, Cat. Face it, he’s human. He’s male.

CAT: I thought you said there was no such thing as original sin.

PIN: Oh, Cat, please….

NINA: Look, the guy is screwed up. And he’s screwing you up because of it. Do you think he sits in his room chanting your name?

ROAN: Frankly, yes I do. And what’s to stop him from ruining your life, too, if you let him?

CAT: Don’t you think I can look out for myself? Don’t you think I can see what’s going on?

NINA: No, Cat, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I do, but most of the time I just see you waiting in line for him to give you his crutch.

CAT: You don’t even know him.

SAVANNAH: Yes, Cat, we do. We all know him. But he knew us first. But you’ve been lucky, Cat. Or, you had been lucky until tonight. You’ve been scarred twice now, Cat.

CAT: Once.

PIN: Twice, Cat. Just because you choose to ignore it; just because you choose to accept it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t a scar. You can’t escape it, Cat. What if it looks like him, Cat? These things don’t stop when you say yes or no, Cat. These things go on. What if this had happened to your mother, Cat? What if every time she looked at you she saw the face of someone she tried to help. Someone who locked in on that vulnerability and kept gnawing away until it was too painful for her. What if it didn’t happen for a long time, say, until she was 50 or so, and she had carried that memory too long. Then one day she looked at you, and it wasn’t you, it was a dark night 30 years ago that made her snap. Would she be able to live with that, Cat? Could she? And what sense would it make taking her to the hospital, if that isn’t why she did it?

CAT: Shut up, just shut up.

PIN: Did you tell him about what happened, Cat? Does he even know? Does he even care?

CAT: Yes, he knew. He knew a long time ago. He was the first one to know, you might say. The very first one.

PIN: Do you mean—

CAT: Yes.

NINA: You mean you knew it all along. It WAS him, and you knew it all along?

CAT: Yes.

ROAN: Why, Cat? For God’s sake, why?

CAT: Because I had to. Because I wanted to.

SAVANNAH: Those are two entirely different things, Cat.

CAT: Don’t you understand? Don’t you understand ME? I wanted to help.

NINA: You wanted to help him more than you wanted to help yourself? That’s a very nice Christian line of thought, Cat, but when you’re dealing with your own body—

CAT: What difference does it make how I live my life? It’s my body.

MARIA: We know, Cat. But it wasn’t your choice. He chose this for you. You just accepted it. That isn’t choice, Cat.

CAT: But I gave him something. I chose to give him something. Something he needed.

SAVANNAH: Yes, Cat, you did. You gave him as much as you could, as much as he needed. Then, he stole the rest and that’s something you’ll never get back. Where is he now?

CAT: In his room…on his bed.

PIN: Probably wanking off.

CAT: No, he’s not wanking off. He’s dead. I killed him.

NINA: What?

CAT: He kept doing it. He kept twisting up my mind, and he kept pulling me onto the bed and he kept jumping on me. He had one of those army knives by his bed and I…couldn’t get out. I wanted to get out and I couldn’t get out. I wanted to get out and I couldn’t get out. I….(Cat collapses as ROAN steps in to hold her)

ROAN: It’s okay, Cat…

MARIA: Oh my God, Mike is dead.

NINA: Jesus…Jesus.

CAT: I didn’t want to, but, he kept doing it; he kept doing it.

ROAN: It’s okay, Cat. It’s okay.

SAVANNAH: (Big sigh that shudders)

PIN: …I wish it didn’t have to happen.

MARIA: I’ve never known anyone who has been killed.

ROAN: It wasn’t a killing. It was self-defense.

MARIA: Yeah, it was self-defense.

CAT: He’s just lying there on the bed.

ROAN: Any blood?

CAT: Yeah, a lot of it, and it wouldn’t stop.

ROAN: …(sighs)…wow…

CAT: I always thought it would be easier to kill myself than somebody else.

PIN: Not me.

CAT: If it hadn’t been him, it would have been me. It was a weird feeling. It’s like the end of a world.

ROAN: …the beginning of another.

(Four beats)

CAT: Why did he do this?

NINA: Because he thought he loved you.

CAT: But, why did he do THIS?

NINA: Because he wanted proof. He wanted constant proof. It isn’t the sex he wanted, it wasn’t you he wanted. He wanted SOMEone and you happened to be there, that’s all. You just got in his way. He tried finding something in you and you just got in his way.

CAT: Then what is it he really needed?

NINA: Who knows? Maybe he was searching for something he already had. Maybe he was looking for something that doesn’t exist. Probably a little bit of both.

CAT: God, I feel drained.

MARIA: He was gnawing on something in you that had never had a chance to heal, Cat. Remember when we were 13 and we had that little clearing in the woods? Remember how we’d act and the things we said and the clothes we wore and the stupid jokes and all that? Remember when Jerry molested me, and then for about seven or eight years I was just locked into what happened before that day because I couldn’t face what had happened? It’s like learning how to die, but once you do, you say goodbye to age 13 forever. Your clothes change, your attitudes change, your jokes change, and your confidence will change. It takes time, but you’ve got to give it time. You don’t have to forget it, but you do have to stop remembering it.

Widowspeak, Act Two, Part B