Tuesday, August 12th, 2008
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My mother recently passed away unexpectedly, and going through this has left me with a few tips to give to friends of the bereaved.
First of all, most importantly, is to do something. Call, visit, write, text: it doesn’t so much matter what you do, just so much that you do something. Everything is appreciated.
Second, give the person all the grace you can muster. They are damaged, weak, afraid and overwhelmed. Don’t be offended if they don’t call back, or if they seem like they don’t appreciate you because they do. All the phone calls I could never answer or return still mean a lot to me.
Third, after the initial onslaught of support (which is amazingly important) keep in touch. A strange thing happens. Everyone calls and brings food right away, but then a week or two goes by, and all of the food goes bad, and the phone calls stop coming. It becomes a very strange and lonely time.
I thought I understood death and grieving until my mother passed. Now I know that I’m just another clueless soul in the face of one of life’s great mysteries. To reiterate the sentiments of my contribution to her eulogy, “I feel lucky and blessed to have been her son. And I feel lucky and blessed to be surrounded with such an amazing group of people.” That ever-growing group of people continues to support me, and there isn’t a day that I don’t appreciate that as one of the greatest gifts of my lifetime. A million thanks to them and to my mother.
-David Rodich
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