[lang_en]
My mother recently passed away unexpectedly, and going through this has left me with a few tips to give to friends of the bereaved.
First of all, most importantly, is to do something. Call, visit, write, text: it doesn’t so much matter what you do, just so much that you do something. Everything is appreciated.
Second, give the person all the grace you can muster. They are damaged, weak, afraid and overwhelmed. Don’t be offended if they don’t call back, or if they seem like they don’t appreciate you because they do. All the phone calls I could never answer or return still mean a lot to me.
Third, after the initial onslaught of support (which is amazingly important) keep in touch. A strange thing happens. Everyone calls and brings food right away, but then a week or two goes by, and all of the food goes bad, and the phone calls stop coming. It becomes a very strange and lonely time.
I thought I understood death and grieving until my mother passed. Now I know that I’m just another clueless soul in the face of one of life’s great mysteries. To reiterate the sentiments of my contribution to her eulogy, “I feel lucky and blessed to have been her son. And I feel lucky and blessed to be surrounded with such an amazing group of people.” That ever-growing group of people continues to support me, and there isn’t a day that I don’t appreciate that as one of the greatest gifts of my lifetime. A million thanks to them and to my mother.
-David Rodich
[/lang_en]
Janelle Renée said:
This is a good reminder that it isn’t what is said and done for the bereaved, but that the bereaved know that they aren’t alone and forgotten while they are grieving.
My heartfelt condolences to you.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Malcolm Lawrence said:
Good to have you back, David. Everyone grieves in their own way and I think most people prefer to err on the side of caution. I’m also a firm believer that time heals all wounds. Or at least provides enough distance to be able to deal with it.
Malcolm
August 12th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Karl Jones said:
David,
This is a touching testimony, full of courage and wisdom. My condolences on your loss.
~ Karl
August 13th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Karl Jones said:
PS, you may want to add a title to this post.
~ Karl
August 13th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Bonnee Klein Gilligan said:
Hi David
Thanks for your heartfelt post. I too have had family members pass. My father made his transition in April 2002 and my husband in July 2003. It is a process moving through the grief. My biggest consolation was knowing they were close by. I could feel their loving presence standing beside me. I also have a knowing that death is not an end to our existence it is simply a doorway that we pass through to a different experience.
Warm blessings, a hug and condolences.
Bonnee
August 13th, 2008 at 1:39 pm